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Worship from the Heart

My Testimony



 

“Don’t Let Your Stutter Stop Your Anointing!”

 

 

          You may wonder why I have this listed as a title for my testimony. I heard this from the most wonderful woman of God, Pastor Paula White. This woman has endured so much more than even I have and is an inspiration to me. No matter what a person has gone through I believe that God has a plan for glorious living for their life. No matter what is in their past or what they have had to endure God is going to make them prosper with the gifts he has given them as long as they remain faithful to him. That is what my testimony is all about. Trusting God even through the toughest storms, the biggest battles, and the darkest times. I’m not going to sit here and tell you all about how I was saved when I was seven years old. Yes that may be an important part of my faith story but I feel as though people need to look deeper into their faith than that. Yeah, it’s great to be saved but how are you living your life for Christ today? Are you still on fire for him? Do you still desire to know him more and more each day like you did when you were first saved?

            I do. Each day I realize more and more just how much I am blessed. I have had to go through some very terrible situations but the Lord has been faithful to me each time and has helped me get through some of the toughest storms. A lot of people ask how I could still trust in God with my whole heart after all that I have been through. To those people I say it’s easy. In fact if it weren’t for God I wouldn’t have made it through those storms. The only reason that I did was because I held fast to my faith in Him and trusted in Him in every situation. He has given me wonderful friends and family who have helped me through everything. I am blessed more than I could ever deserve.

            You see I was always in the church when I was little but I had to lean on God totally for the first time when I was in the sixth grade. My grandparents raised me from the time I was born and my grandfather, who was the only dad that I had ever known, was suffering from cancer. Now as a sixth grader this was a very scary thing. I prayed each night and talked to God about my fears. I knew that no matter what He was going to take care of my dad. My dad never got better. Later that year he passed way. Some people thought that I would be upset and I was, but I wasn’t angry. I knew that my dad had gone to be with Jesus and didn’t have to hurt anymore. I knew that God was going to take care of my family and me and also take care of my dad after he went home to heaven.

            When I was in the tenth grade I met my biological dad for the first time ever. Here was a man that I had never known who wanted to be a part of my life. I already had a dad, and even though he was gone he was still in my heart. As I searched for a way to have a relationship with my biological dad I looked to God. I knew that He is my ultimate Father and would take care of me and I always looked to Him for guidance in that situation. Today I have a relationship with my dad and I am grateful for that. I thank God that after I lost one dad I was able to have another one brought into my life.

            When I was first out of high school I went to private university in Appleton, Wisconsin. While I was there I was dating the most wonderful boy in the world. His name was Justin. I still think about him to this day. We were planning on getting engaged if my mom would give her blessing. Without warning, just 4 days before my birthday Justin died in a car wreck. It was one of the hardest and darkest times of my life. I felt awful! Each time I felt as though I wouldn’t last another minute I prayed to God. I gave it all to him. It was amazing how that could help me so much. All of sudden I wasn’t hurting as bad. You see Jesus died for us on a cross so that we could have eternal life with the Father. I just kept thinking about that. I kept thinking just how happy Justin most likely was when he first saw Jesus. You see, that was his first love, I was only his second. That gave me strength to go on. I was lucky enough that God shared this wonderful man with me even if it was only for a moment in time.

            After Justin I never thought that I would be able to love again. Well I was wrong. I met a wonderful man named Aaron. I was working with my church in Florida and every thing was wonderful. Aaron and I were married a year after we had become engaged. I never thought life could get any better! One week before our first anniversary though I got bad news. My pastor came to the door to tell me that Aaron had been arrested. I felt crushed. I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t believe that this was happening to me! Aaron was guilty of his charges and we filed for divorce. This was the darkest time I have ever had to go through. I felt as if my whole world was coming crashing down around me. My first instinct though was to pray. The first place I wanted to be was the church. I wanted to get as close to God as I could. I knew that I couldn’t deal with any of this by myself. I needed to give it all to him. And I did. And today I am a much stronger person. I am much more solid person in my faith. This was a terrible time for me, but it brought me even closer to God. Closer than I would have ever believed possible. I never knew love till I experienced the love of the Lord during this time. I don’t know what I would have done if I hadn’t had that relationship with Jesus.

            You see I think that God was testing me. I think that he has marvelous things planned for my life. I think that all of these were tests on how faithful I would be in any situation. I am hoping that I passed each one and that the Lord is smiling down upon me. I believe that he is. I also believe that God won’t give any one anything that they can’t handle. All they need to do is trust in the Lord with their whole heart. You see, he can help you. He can take away the hurt and the pain and even the shame. He wants to. He invites you into his presence and loves you with an abounding love. And to me that is so amazing. I think of all that he went through on the cross and my pain doesn’t even seem sufficient. Who am I to complain after all he went through for me?

           

Psalm 5:7 Because of your unfailing love I will enter your house; with deepest awe I will worship at your temple.